#oh my god the blood magic blood vial controlling him... half baked thought but ughjjduudhd

[rookamell]

Oh god I'm thinking about that almost kiss with Lucanis and someone on here said he chickens out not because of spite but because of how scared he is of making his own decisions... he's just lost his grandmother who had basically been puppeting him his whole life to such an extent that she trained him specifically to be a mage killer assassin. Like he couldn't even choose what to kill on his own. 'Death is my calling' yeah lil buddy you don't even know there's another option. It's all tied up together with the love and approval he gets from Caterina for doing it... and then Rook. It's like a wrecking ball to everything he's ever known about himself and his life. I don't think this man has made a choice of his own more complicated than 'what do I wear today?' In his whole 30-something years of existance, and all of a sudden he has to deal with falling in love? Couple that with deciding Illario's fate and Caterina tying that into being First Talon and my man is probably catatonic. And then that pantry scene... do you think he's thinking 'would Caterina approve?' do you think she crosses his mind just then? Do you think he realises this is something he wants for him? For the first time?